My Journey BeginsHMP Dovegate, 2013
Today I almost went back into the darkness. My fellow brothers saved me again: wow!
I would have surely died. The enemy has lost this battle, but the war is far from over.
So Jesus set me free from deception, lies and bull. No more waffle, just words of wisdom. So here I sit in my own bedroom, in my home, not a room in a house. (This is God's house, but he said it's my home.)
Before, I had been lost in a life of darkness; in the bitterness of homelessness, the pain of insanity, the shame and guilt and hurt of loneliness; the hate and envy and selfishness, and the greed of smack addiction that took every last thing I had to give - my girl, daughter, home, job, van, tools, bankcard, guitar - too much to list.
But that was not enough, she wanted more. What more could I possibly give the lady on the white horse .
Your dignity and pride are mine. Even your head and heart belong to me. But - my skinny, stinky smackrat - it's your word I desire. Pledge to me your soul and I will give you all your dark soul can handle .
OMG, all I had left is my name - my word , my soul .
So she got me on a bad night and I gave her my word and she slipped an hour's peace under my cell door in HB2 K51, HMP Dovegate.
But just before my face peeled with the heat of the Gates of Hell, my Father in heaven stepped up to the plate with only my eyebrows singed. God reached into the darkness of my life on 1 st October 2013; 40 years to the day after I was put into care.
His light hurts my eyes some days, but I can truly see that 'I was lost but now I'm found, was blind and now I see.'
Shugga (as they say round here): a wretch like me! Lol .
There is now hope where all my days were of pure hopelessness . Where lay the madness in my mind of 40 years of drug use and abuse, there is now peace . Where my heart was broken and my life, he has the builders in and he lay the foundation for my Rock to get me out of that pit of vipers. It's quite slippery at times, but my soul is has a grip on the Rock. I may slip, but my Father, in love with his Son, will not let me fall.
I falter and dither and dally, but he made me a mighty man of God - and my grip on the Rock is like rubber on lead. Solid. I ain't going back. It's up and onwards, like a proper Christian soldier, marching as to war, with the Cross of Jesus. I have my fears and my doubts, but I also have a new life and a new I.D.. I know I am one of God's children; a chosen one. I will lead the one to the cross who will lead thousands. Evil can only exist when good men do nothing.